So day 2 of the mammoth hospital visits has been done; 2 bags of blood, bone strengthening drug and radiotherapy. All in all the whole trip took about 5 hours. Todays trip felt a lot more manageable than yesterdays; we knew what to expect, the radiotherapy was a lot quicker because they didn't have to do all the scanning and measuring and I felt a lot a calmer and not as terrible as I did yesterday.
The worst part, for me, about being in the Oncology hospital is the way I stick out like a sore thumb. The average age in there is about 50 + and with out exception I have always been the youngest patient, which means I get a lot of people staring at me. When you feel ill and vulnerable the last thing you want is attention, you just want to be able fade into the back ground as much as possible. This feeling has been made so much worse this week - I've got it in to my mind that when other patients look at me they figure to themselves some thing like this "It's terrible that she's ill, but she's young and has that on her side to help her get better then she has the rest of her long life to look forward to". Which we know, as of last Monday, isn't true anymore.
About a month ago me and my friend Emily, who I met through the hospital, did a talk on why getting a Teenage Cancer Trust Unit built in Bristol is so important; to me it simply means that young people can go and get treated without being stared at and feeling more out of place than they already do.
I've realised how bland and dull my blog looks, no worries - I'm starting to work on the design and want to start adding photos to posts.
Ella xx
Ella, there is nothing "bland and dull" about the words you write, love U Bob
ReplyDeleteLonging to "comment" and have tried every day since you started your Blog, but every day there is some "technical obstacle" to thwart me ... wonder if today's my lucky day?
ReplyDeleteElla, when you write as intelligently and eloquently as your Mum, there is no way your Blog is bland and boring. "Crack on" girl, you are telling it like it is, which helps us all to understand how you are feeling, and what we could be doing (or not doing!) to make your life feel just a little bit better. xxx Aza
I hope you don't mind my saying so, but it's possible that people are staring at you for the same reasons they always have. You're still nearly six feet tall and beautiful with it. K x
ReplyDeleteJust caught up with the last few days of both Mum's and your blog. I just loved the "Fuck Off" pumpkin. Alas this has given Ken ideas about next Halloween, but I'm not sure that Clifton Wood is quite up to that yet. And loved the piccie of you and Brian.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
J&K xxxxx
Ella - you are so good at writing exactly how it is. Keep going -even tho' how it is isn't how we would want it to be
ReplyDeleteDear Ella Never Bland and dull just beautiful!
ReplyDelete